Let's get it on!

I'm way behind the curve when it comes to having sex. I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise to me, but it's how far behind the curve that is shocking.

During my commute this morning one of those crazy morning show DJs quoted a recent study that the average US male has had 13 sexual partners. That's the average! Considering there are people out there who've never gotten laid or who've only had one partner, that means there's got to be a fair percentage of folks with 25 or 26 partners to balance that out. I'm waaaay over on the left end of that bell curve man. I should probably give up, at this point in my life there's not much chance that I'll ever be average. I can't even reasonably aspire to mediocracy.

It's interesting that this was a worldwide study, and the US is a country of prudes. We in the US are near the bottom of the list as far as getting our freak on is concerned. I guess it follows the quality of the country's healthcare? So, I'm embarrassed within the US, I'm not even going to talk to people in any other countries.

Apparently, our neighbors to the north are getting it on with 20+ people on average!

But what I really want to posit to you, dear reader, is a math problem.

See, another thing that came out of this study is the fact that the average woman in the US has had 9 partners.

I don't get it. Who else are these guys slapping flesh with?

Let's reduce this math problem to it's simplest form. Let's say there are 10 guys (a - j) and 10 ladies (1 - 10) in the US. Each of these guys has 3 partners, and each woman has 2. I feel this is a reasonable microcosm of what those statistics are saying. Hence, we have the following pairings:

a -> 1, 2, 3
b -> 1, 2, 3
c -> 4, 5, 6
d -> 4, 5, 6
e -> 7, 8, 9
f -> 7, 8, 9
g -> 10 ... ?

Guy g has a problem. He needs to get moist with three ladies, but each of our ladies is only willing to milk two guys, and they've all had their fill. Not only is Mr. G out of potential partners, but H, I, and J are as well (well, one of them can have a crack at lady 10, but that doesn't solve the problem).

I couldn't figure out how this was happening. It seemed like a mathematical impossibility at first. My first thought was, "I'm Mr. G ... that's why I'm having so much trouble!" Then it occurred to me that my predicament still doesn't explain the actual numbers.

I entertained the idea that these last four guys were more liberal than most and were counting partners of either gender. That could explain it on the microcosm level, except that has 40% of the male population swinging like a kitchen door, and other statistics show that just isn't true.

The only remaining possibility is that these guys are going out of country for their action. Somewhere in the piles of statistics is a country where the ladies are getting far more action than the local guys can provide.

Because there's no possible way that such a study is inaccurate and pointless. I mean, what person would possibly lie about how many partners they've had? It's unthinkable.